What I think is awesome about this poem is....
1. There is so much emotion in this piece I thought someone had reached out from my computer screen and was holding my face, forcing me to listen to every word.
2. I like the way this is conversational but personal at the same time... like you're talking to your best friend.


Things that need a little work, though, are:

1. the line about your "belly"... maybe it's just me, but I don't like the word belly. I found it distracting, but again, that's probably just me.
2. There are parts in here that contradict themselve a little bit.

Overall, however-plus rating 1-5 (5 being best) : 3

Overall opinion of poem
Again, the emotion in this piece is excellent. You've done a nice job.

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Inside your heart, no ones there, and I don't think I'll ever be, and I don't care.

I am a WeCritique critic.

I would love to know what parts you think contradict themselves.

contradict probably wasn't the right word... I meant parts of it didn't seem to go together as well because it seemed like the situation had changed. Does that make sense? Like going from "I miss you" to "I scorned you" to "I have you again" <-- that one may be a misinterpretation, though to "hope"... it confused me. Sorry if that isn't helpful.. I tried...

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Inside your heart, no ones there, and I don't think I'll ever be, and I don't care.

I am a WeCritique critic.

No worries. I appreciate the comment.

For the most part, I suppose I agree with most of the comments posted so far. It would seem that most of your works have the same underlying theme. Not necessarily a bad thing, but variation is always good. I like how you express emotions to words, helping the reader to empathize with your situations. I would have to say that many people have probably been in similar situations or just plain felt the same way. This specific poem isn't perfect, but as far as any art or literature goes, there is no such thing as perfection. There is always room for improvement, and I'm glad there are people giving constructive criticism. But one thing I hope you never do is decide that "I think I'm going to write a good poem right now" out of the blue and then start thinking about something to write about, TRYING to write something amazing. What I like most about your work is that it comes from the heart, and you are expressing your emotions as you feel at the time. You don't have to really TRY in order to write it. So many people try so hard to write a "good" poem using creative styles and techniques, but lose the true meaning and emotions lying behind it. I suppose that is why I like what you write... it is to the point, and comes from the heart. I hope you never lose that. But as far as improving your work, taking what these others have said will help you improve your future work, allowing you to better express yourself. Keep up the good work!

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If life were like a box of chocolates,
you could have your life and eat it too
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I'm not a poet or feel that I am able to say what you could do better on or what not, but I can say that I loved your poem. It is very moving. I enjoyed it much! Thank you for letting me know you used my picture.

Thank you for the comment, and the You have a lovely gallery.

even without the 'I don't deserve you' line that feeling comes across in this poem so it was well written enough to not need the line

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To know what is right and not do it is the worst cowardice~Confucius

Creo ergo sum

This is really beautiful! I love the description of how you feel, especially the line "igniting fireworks in my belly."

Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. I like that line too. Thank you!!!