WOW! Thank you so much! Best comment yet! I'm flabergasted. *blush* Keep holding on my friend, and keep listening to that still small voice of the Spirit. I'll be praying for you, and for her.

Thanks for your comments! I'll take a look at it and see what I can do. This is kinda my "style" though. I know it won't please everyone. But I shall definately take a look and see if I can "poem" it up a bit... hmm... I'll see what I can do. Thanks!

thanx... that means alot....

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God is love - but we've forgotten God and so we've forgotten how to truly love.

just remember that styles change
and you need to know what a poem really is to start improving
latez

I appreciate your comment, but I do not plan to change the style at this time. At least not as drastically as you are describing. That would change the entire poem. Poetry is as varied an artform as any. Just because this particular poem is more "story" based than others doesn't mean it is less of a poem. Some of the worlds greatest poems are epics that read very much like stories. Again, I appreciate what you are trying to say, but for this particular poem, I choose this style. It was a concious choice. No offense to you intended.

i understand your point
i am just saying that maybe some time from now (or even now) you could look back on some of your older poems and realize that your style will change, i am not saying you need to change it now, what i am trying to say is that you need to define what poetry means to you, and think about where you want to go with your writing to actually create your own "style"
all artists need a direction, without a direction there is no point.

I agree completely... I think... it is very early in the morning and I am currently writing a theological essay... so my brain isn't fully functioning at the moment... but I'm fairly certain I agree with you. We'll see tomorrow... er... later today...

What I think is awesome about this poem is....
1. the flow of the poem, i like how easy it is to go through the poem

2. how you used typical expressions about love to describe how love feels physically, e.g. "My heart in my throat."

3. the emotions which your piece stirs in the reader

Things that need a little work, though, are:

1. the 3rd stanza(lines 4-11), i like how you showed exactly the way you felt before you realized that he'd return your affections, the use of quotation marks to represent your thoughts, but the way it was written should be changed i think(grammatically). e.g."The nerves in my body so set on rejection." should be changed to "The nerves in my body were so set on rejection.

Overall, however-plus rating 1-5 (5 being best) : 2.5

This was overall a nice poem, but could be modified more to really, in the most powerful possible way to bring out the emotions of the reader, i think you need to try to speed up the reading in the first part of the poem when youre describing how sad you feel, use more expressions. Then you should slow down in the last part when describing now what that you've realized he really likes you too.

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Thank you! That's very constructive feedback! I'll take a look at all of your suggestions and let you know what I come up with. Thanks again for taking the time to read and crit.

haha, no thanking please, i jus commented so i could post my poem in the workshop

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