I like this piece! You put so much emotions into it. I love the way that reading this brings the reader into your mind, where they can feel your emotions as you feel them.
The diction in this piece is awesome, and I love the way the words and imagery add to the tone and mood. Your flow was awesome, great linebreaks, and excellent use of puncuation! You are amazing!

Keep it up!

Greg!

--
To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important sacred or valuable...
To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility...

-Kurt Cobain [1967-1994]

LoL. Again, thank you! I am glad you enjoyed this one. I enjoyed writing it. It is a piece very dear to my heart at the moment. Thanks!

Sarah

You are such a talented artist, I think I should thank your for allowing me to read it

--
To be positive at all times is to ignore all that is important sacred or valuable...
To be negative at all times is to be threatened by ridiculousness and instant discredibility...

-Kurt Cobain [1967-1994]

this is really good--- i love the style, and the language usage, and flow and the emotion into and everything my only one thing is the line "igniting fireworks in my belly" -- i know what you are going for, and really its just a stylistic choice but the word "belly" just throws me off kilter with the rest of the poem --- igniting fireworks in your soul or your body or your emotions or even just you.. to me at least works better then igniting fireworks in your belly.... but as i said its just a stylistic choice


as i said that was my only complaint-- i really, really like this-- its so honest and simple in it's form-- its just poetry and its not trying to go off unto all these weird tangents that so many artists do on here--- i really enjoy it-- good job its very well-written

--
---

"The greatest dream of all, no make that the greatest hope of all, is to constantly reawaken to life."
- Peruvian Proverb

Thank you very much! I'm honoured by your comments. I will definately think about changing that one line... but no promises I'll think about it tho. Thanks so much!!

Hmm, I have to disagree with pennylanechic.

"igniting fireworks in my belly" is a great line, although to me it carries a heavy sexual connotation. I don't know if that's what you were going for though, so...

What I would remove is the "I do not deserve you" line.
That feeling is very cliche, and I think it takes away from the rest of the poem.
Maybe if you found a different way of expressing it, that wasn't so on the nose...

Overall I like this. Good job.

--
there is more.

Hmm... interesting... I wasn't going for sexual, but if it comes across that way, cool. That's the great thing about poetry... interpretation!

Thanks for the comments. I will definately consider your remarks!

Poetry style and blahblah aside... i think this is the type of poem that will realy appeal to someone who can identify with the emotion of it all. I was gonna crit it but once got to reading it, and once it began to strike some personal chords, i just wanted to read and not worrry about style, and imagery and blahblahhhh....... i was just thrilled by the meaning of it....

it meant alot to me because at the moment im so in love with someone who has defn... moved on but i havent stopped hoping... at times its really difficult cos no one who knows me knows that im still hangin on especially her... it feels like shes become someone else and i keep waiting for her to come to her senses... and for now i just keep my distance...
Your poem helps stregnthen my belief that hope is not a foolish thing. That if 2 people belong together it will happen and that i must hold on no matter what.... im no stalker, i dont have a low self esteem, if all i wanted was a girl, i could easily find one...
but i am in love... and your poem inspires me to keep hoping...

im sorry i just went on about myself and wasnt much help with the poem... bt kno that if nothin else your poem was an inspiration to me to never lose faith, never lose faith and never stop loving... thanx 4 that...


--
God is love - but we've forgotten God and so we've forgotten how to truly love.

for starters
there are a bit too many asides and 1 liners which throw off the tone of the piece, the almost schizophrenic switches really distracted me
lacking a bit of flow from stanza to stanza. maybe if you have some continuation of ideas?

ie
"To have you back.
To be yours.

I was so afraid."
doesnt really... fit? the tone shifts so suddenly its awkward

try less telling and more showing, you are telling a story and not making use of writing this as a poem. a poem is more than a story-telling device, it conveys images and emotion, using clever wordplay, structure and themes to push a message across.
you use strong emotion by allowing people to empathise, but unfortunately that is the crux of your poem. you are not making use of your poetic potential by just "journalising" an event, narrating bare details. use your imagination, dont dramatise it but maybe write it more cleverly, thats all the suggestions i can give you